Last day of the year....

Today is the last day of the year which made me sit and think back what actually i've done and happened to me. well, if i were to put everything into colours, i would say, i've experienced white colour (white colour is the combination of all the rainbow colours). in short i've experienced almost everything.

2006 has been a year full of expectation. just that most of things i expected din happen. haha. but the few expectation which happened really gave me a reason to live this life. really. Family is the best. for me, without them, i'm nothing. the encouragement, support, love,etc. given by them have made me what i am today. friends are next. of course i've met some great frens which i am still with. i dun wanna talk bout those who don't deserve my friendship. they dun worth a word to talk about. my frens, u know who u r. Thank you for everything. u have been there for me when i needed someone. Estates, thank you. haha. if i were to mention everyone's name (which they really deserve it), this post will be freaking long. my Red Cross frens, course mates (LS), Malaysian dudes, colleagues, you know who u r. thank you very much. it's also because of you, i am who i am today. and i'm very proud of it.

2007, will be a year for me to start of a new journey. i really hope, the journey will bring me to the desired destination. I haven reached any of my goals yet. 2007 will be the year which i'll have a chance to make my dreams come true. since 2003, every year has been worse than the previous ones. haha. i really hope 2007 will turn out a good one.

And for all, Happy New Year. Oh ya, to Muslims, Selamat Hari Raya Aidiladha... c ya next year!!!

Christmas.....

Hohoho... Merry Christmas....

actually, for me, Christmas this year is rather lonely. stuck in Singapore with no friends around... kind of lonely Christmas...
However, i had a good night at the yacht club on Saturday. I stayed overnight on the yacht. since i was in the yacht club, i could use all their facilities. no one to ask who r u? haha. i watched Man U's game there. it was good to sit on the sofa and watch the game on the 41 inch TV. really awesome.

After the match, i went back to the yacht. it was a windy night. quite cooling. i just sat outside of the yacht, on the deck. thinking back about my life. realized that a lot of things happened and some of them are really sweet. really really sweet memories. though sometimes, life is a bit shitty, but overall, its not that bad after all. in fact, i have learnt a lot. thats good. thinking back bout our lives gives us a chance to know ourselves better. how we used to be and so on. its a good thing to do. thinking bout the past for a better future...

tomorrow, have to go to work. an office job. not that bad. haha. how did i spend my December holidays? well, the first 10 days, i was helping my frens to move their luggages into the storage rooms. the next 5 days, i was having fun in Langkawi. and the rest of the holidays, i'm working my ass off. haha. quite cool. anyway, season greetings to all!!!!

Arrogant and egoistic ....... sad for you people!!!

People are sometimes selfish.... sometimes stubborn. however, there are people who can't control themselves and think that whatever they do is absolutely correct and flawless. i say its stupid. Well, if u think u will never make a mistake, actually, u just did. for this kind of 'never-learn' people, i can only pity u.

how do we know whether we r humble, friendly or at least not egoistic? very simple. look at the people around us. If we have frens who will always be there for us and frens who we r comfortable with, then definitely, we r on the right track of being humble n friendly. dun bother on what other people say coz what u think actually matters the most. if u r happy around ur frens, that's exactly what you want and need. some people are just jealous that we have friends. for them its okay if they dun have frens, but we must never have one. something like that. ganja, rite?

some will criticize each and everyone, but ending up being 'nice' in front of them. i feel that one has to be the same no matter who is around. some, for catching attention, will try to make him or herself at the worst situation coz of frens. but actually, they themselves are pathetic. and i know, at the end, these people will always be lonely. if asked, some dun have good frens or even a fren to go out with. they reason being the frens are not good. haha. if u have problems with another person, then maybe there might be misunderstanding between both if u. but if u have problems with a group of frens, then thats ur f***ing problem. try to look at urself in front of the mirror. if u can't figure out anything or being dizzy coz of looking at urself, my advice is look at the people who are surrounded by the people/frens they r comfortable with. u might learn something. try to respect others and listen. that's y God has given us ears. being arrogant and egoistic will never bring us anywhere up there.....

Langkawi......

for the first time, i went for a vacation in Langkawi with a bunch of guys. Guys, when come together, have so much fun (not in a gayish way). obviously, we might have had more fun if girls had followed us but it was still a lot of fun with guys. haha.

firstly, i had to consider whether to go Langkawi. If i stayed back in Singapore, i would have saved RM500 and earned around $200. Other than that, i would have had settled some of my stuffs here in Singapore. However, when i thought of the fun i might have with my frens in Langkawi, i din think twice. vacation with frens is the best. haha. maybe only holidays with family would be better.

After a shitty first day (with shitty toilets), the next two days were awesome. cable car was a heart shocker. haha. 750m above the sea level n we were just beside the sea. haha. the view from up there was awesome. n we went during sunset. so just imagine how beautiful the view is from up there. i know, it would have been perfect if i have a girl beside me at that time, but nevermind la. we were still having so much fun up there. boonie with his expression on his face, can't get that even if we spend millions of dollars.

spending four days with my frens, i came to know their true colours, Dan's pink! haha... Boon Eng is the funniest guy in the trip. haha. Miss all the fun he created. haha. quite cool. Loga being the quietest but funny guy, Ganesh being the most responsible guy, we call him Appa (father), Hema being the 'settle cantik' (very good mediator) guy, Dan being the naughtiest and Aaron being the coolest guy. we really had fun. water polo, beach football, 'crab racing', police n murderer, etc. haha. this is definitely one of the best holidays ever i had.

And Estates, where r the pictures..........

Great nights with a bunch of great people!

Yan Jun, my ex-VP and current co-student advisor has flown off to China yesterday. Therefore, a day before we all met over dinner at Marina Bay. Jessy, Eliz, Jovena, Kuan Boone, Yan Jun and I were there for his so called farewell party. Eliz and I are Life Scientists and were wearing black top. Kuan Boone and Jessy are Pharmacists and they were wearing yellow while Engine duo, Yan Jun and Jovena were on yellow. It all happened co-incidentally. so nice. haha. Well, we had a lot of fun together cooking. and we all came to one conclusion. we suck in cooking. haha. the aluminium foil was black in colour. even after it was changed, the new one turned into black in few minutes. haha. the soup, fantastic. it was used to wash our chop-sticks. haha. beat that. after taking some cool pics, Jovena sent us back. Thank u, Jovena!!!

I came back around 11pm and spent sometime with Dan. He was quite tired but hyped up to play some games. However, i could not join him as Eva and Anitha came down to PGP to meet me with Ganesh. wow, thats so touching. haha. and guess what, both of them were in traditional 'Punjabi Suit'. haha. not weird but special. haha. after playing some UNO games with them and some chit chat, we(Ganesh n i) walked them back to Eusoff hall which is miles away. haha. gentlemen ma. Dan n i couldn't watch the whole Barca vs Werder Bremen match coz of tiredness. Actually, we took turns to watch. haha.

Next day, after meeting my uncle, i went out with 8 other people, Ron being the only guy to Orchard. Ron and some of the girls have had just finished their exams, so they went out to chill out. to be honest, i have been chilling out since my last paper last Saturday. haha. well, the girls went crazy and took loads n loads of pics. girls, so understood. Basically, i have a good time with them in Orchard. Thanks everyone.

Now, i've to help some frens to move their stuffs. after that, i think i need some rest tonight before going for a workshop tomorrow morning.

The best is yet to come.....

Friendship or Relationship.... What kind of 'ship' is it actually!!!!

Friendship is the best relationship one can get in his/her life! without friends, one's life will be doomed. i think i've said this before. but what i dun understand is the way people look at the friendship.

when a girl is close to a guy, that doesn't mean that they r gonna be together. this is the understanding between the guy and the girl. Both the parties must understand that they r just friends. when the understanding is there, no one can say anything or none can break them up. thats what i call plutonic friendship. i do understand this coz i have lots of plutonic frens. but what i dun understand is, when one party is looking more than a fren; and its quite obvious that he/she wants more than just frens, the other partner is still very close to him/her. If the partner wants to form a relationship, then the partner can be close and bring the friendship to the next level. but if the partner doesnt want anything but just friendship, y is the partner still being very close to him/her. If he/she enjoys the partner's company, y not be together. if not, distance has to be maintained.

it really doesn't make sense when one being very close with his/her partner, knowing that the partner wants more than a friendship, still goes on very closely with the partner, and finally says that its only friendship. do u know how the partner will feel???? really dun understand. i will always wanna appreciate friends around me and those who have feelings on me, i'll try my very best to give a chance. i was not like this last time, but i learnt and changed. if i know one of my friends wants more than just a friendship from me, if i'm not interested, i'll try to make her understand in a nice way. hurting is inevitable, but thats the best thing to do. minimizing the hurt. i won't be closer (as in giving her hints that i want something also) after that, using her, and then saying she's just a fren of mine. if i were to do it, i'm a jackass who don't appreciate friendship. Frens are always there for us. they r frens. and of we 'betray' or hurt them, we aren't one anymore....

Angry, Pissed.... only hope crushed!!

Studies, studies and studies..... only this has been my life for the past few weeks. i've tried my very best but always end up disappointing. I din screw up, but i think i din do well either. no confidence in the papers i have sat for so far. Even though there's something inside me whispering to me that i've done my best and to be confident, i just cant't convince myself that it's true. I can say a lot of people outside there are in worse conditions, but there's nothing for me to be happy and satisfied about.

I have one more paper to go. I call it my nightmare. If i can pass this module, just bring any of the modules offered in NUS, and i'll pass. haha. i have to give my 100% for this module as this module will definitely pull my CAP down. just trying my very best to minimize the 'pull down'. one more paper and i'm done for the semester. i have been here for 5 semesters; about 2 years and a half. a lot of experiences and i'm still learning. life is all about learning.

We, estates, have planned for a vacation this December holidays. i bet it will be the best ever vacation for us. coz it's all estates. haha. something to look for and which can make me smile now. Let's do it, estates!!!

Indian Girls....

Before i write more about the topic, the Indian girls i mean here is the Indian girls from Malaysia. I barely know Indians from India or Singapore. I'm only talking about the girls from Malaysia.... sorry for that!

Well, we all have different perspectives on girls. But for me, Indian girls are the best. I have met lots of lots of girls from other races, but Indian girls gave me the feeling where i'll be well taken care of and secured. we all wanna go out with other girls, but when comes to life long commitments, i'll go for Indian girls. Indian girls are more 'cultured' in the sense that they know what exactly a girl should do. I'm not being a racist here by saying girls from other races don't but generally, Indian girls are the ones who will shower the exact love one needs. I agree, sometimes, Indian girls are not attractive, but as i said, when comes to life-long commitments, its the heart which matters. And Indian girls have the heart made by gold, not covered. However, if u get one hot Indian chick, you are one damn lucky ganja!!!

Maybe some will think i'm talking this coz i'm an Indian too. But i have lived in different environments where other races were the majority. But still, i think i will go for Indian girls. Coz i know, no matter what happens, my Indian girl will never give up on me and will love me more n more as the day passes by. And for that, i'll surrender my life to her!! See whether i'm lucky enough to get a nice Indian girl!! I hope so....

Life......

Well, this is my 100th post and i'm proud of it. haha. when i started to blog about 360 days ago, i din expect i'll go this far. haha. i'll take this as one of my accomplishments. but what i'm not so happy about is most of the posts were all about some negative stuffs. y people behaving this way, y people are like that, y can't people think positively and so on.... and i realize that there's nothing much i could do about it since i'm blogging about the true events. now, i hope that for the next coming years, i have something nice to talk about. haha....

my finals are just around the corner but i know i'm not trying hard. i'm not working at my optimum level. i'm still slack but what i can say is its getting better than the previous year. life is getting better, many positive things are happening around me and i'm much more relieved now. thanks for everyone for that. i hope this will continue. life without problems is interesting and that is what i'm looking for. it is definitely not boring at all. live that life n u'll understand. haha...

i was having dreams about my life for the past two years. i din know y was i having those dreams at first. no idea. i was afraid i will get back to the life i din like. the time when i was not myself. but i realize that the dreams are more like a reminder for me. warning me that i should not fall again into that darkness. yes, i'm clear now. Life is definitely getting better even though i have lived in better ones. the only thing i need now is some improvements.... so much to improve.... and i'll never give up to be the better person!!!

Well... my sixth poem... dun ask where is the fifth.. haha...

My Sunshine…

I was in a place where no one can find,
I couldn’t feel any other souls but mine;
And then, my sunshine;
You came into my loneliness,
and set aside the emptiness,
you brought me into happiness,
and filled my dreams with joyfulness.

The days we spent together,
the feelings we have for each other,
and the care we share for one another;
with you and me together,
hope what we have is forever!

Every word from the depths of my heart,
speaks on my smile;
I’ve been chanting your name
Ever since the day I found you….
life has never been the same
since the second my lips danced to your name!

When I close my eyes, I dream of you;
The minute my eyes open, I’m already missing you…

We will never be apart,
since you are here in my heart;
and the moment you stop loving,
will be the moment my heart stops beating!

for all this while,
it was your smile
which made my life worthwhile;
Oh, sunshine…
Will you be mine?
and only mine…….

Created by
Dinesh @ Dd
26 September 2006
(edited by Wynne)

Attitude....

I was talking with my brother the other day and we were chatting about this friend of his who always thinks he's right all the time! we were laughing about that guy. This guy always claims he's great! he wants everyone to pay attention to him only. everything he says is inch perfect. and when we say something, he'll raise his voice, trying to stress his point. haha. my brother even once had adviced him that being such an a**hole will not help him but this is what he replied, "I dun care what people think, i just wanna say what i wanna say!"

Well, for me, i dun give a rat's ass whether he wanna say anything. but his remarks made me think a while. If he doesn't care what others are thinking about what he's saying, why is he saying it in the first place?? just say whatever he wants in front of the mirror la. haha. y is he saying it in public. These people will never learn.

And another point. i was thinking, if a person doesn't like us, its his/her problem. but if there's a group of people who don't like us, there's something wrong with us. we need to check back on ourselves, rite? if there's something in us which makes others uncomfortable when we r around, then we should change that. but not everyone knows. i dunno whether they genuinely dunno or pretending to not know. i feel if these people change to the better, the world will definitely be a better place to live in.... if you get what i mean!!!

stress and tension... do they really help??

this morning, i misplaced my transponder. i was searching for it the whole room for about half an hour, but everything was useless. i panicked at first, but i was thinking whether it could really help me. if being stressed and tensed can help me, then its totally right to be stressed and tensed. but i dun think it will, right?? stress and tension will only screw up our mood and others as well. so this was what i did. i sat on the bed thinking where did i put it. when this rusted brain couldn't figure out anything, i started to clean my room. i was already late for my class and there wasn't a need to rush since i dun like that prof. haha. well, look at the bright the side. i cleaned my room. haha. finally, i found my transy lying below the notes on the table. so, the table is the only place i havent cleaned yet. haha. so, i realized that being stressed up will never help us to solve any problems. its a better life without stress.

at night, i met with my TAR College friends. guess what, they celebrated my birthday. haha. beat that, Dan and Boonie. haha. well, its so nice of them putting an effort to celebrate my birthday. they bought a cake and a card for me. haha. thank god Yeeying's birthday is 2 days after. so we really had a reason to celebrate the birthday. haha. or they would have killed me. haha. thank you very much, Susu, Resistant, Szeman and Yao Hsien. haha. thank you.

Ok, joke of the day!! From Russell Peters..... 'Indians and terrorists are two different people. Terrorists like to bomb airports; Indians like to work at airports. Terrorists hate white people; Indians hate each other. So Indians cannot be terrorists.' haha.... make sense.

Sensitivity.....

When a friend promises to meet you and broke the promise, you get pissed and ask the person y did he/she break the promise. When you say, "I'm disappointed in you for breaking the promises", the reply would be, "Y r u so sensitive?" And if thats sensitive, then i'm ganja sensitive!!!!

Then, when we tell them their mistakes and our opinion bout their attitudes, they go, "Y r u saying like this." (starting to be emotional). haiyo... these people will never learn. i have given up in having hope that they will change one day in these people . We have done everything a layman could do. Maybe we have not blackmailed anyone. I think we should start. then, people will realize exactly what are we trying to convey!!!

What is wrong in giving opinion? I thot, this is a democratic country... Constructive opinions are there to change a person to a better person.... and u know what will be the reply??? "You have to respect me for who I am!" Haiyo, it's hard to make these people understand. Well, lets all respect Osama for who he is..... If he is a good person, then we should. But i really think he should change. The whole world is thinking that.

Nowadays, meeting those kind of people makes me feel y am i here? a lot of questions are bombarding me. and the only thing i can think right now is, "Y am i so stupid?" if you can understand what i mean.......

How r u? Take care... Thank you... do u really mean it???

i was at home the other day. went out to pick my newspaper outside coincidentally met my neighbour who was picking up his newspaper. with a broad smile, he asked, "How are you?" I was polite and replied him. But before i could even say, "I'm fine and how bout you?", he went in. so i was thinking... is he really wanted to know how i was???

and i realized... i have came across a lot of people saying thank you, take care, good luck, bla bla bla. but how many of them really mean it??? nobody can answer that. the only person who can answer is u urself. whenever u wish someone, think again. do u really mean it? if you do, then it's fine. if you don't, time to change. dun say something just for the sake of saying. when you wish a person, make sure it comes from your heart. then it's meaningful. or it's just useless. even rubbish can be recycled but wishes without meaning is really useless. Remember, speak from your heart when u r wishing or asking. and one more thing, when you are asking for a favour, ask properly. dun treat your helper as your slave. remember this.

And bout men-women relationship. how many of you want to bring your relationship to the next level. marriage???? well lets see what Chris Rock says about marriage.....

Nelson Mandela gor divorced. Nelson Mandela spent 27 years in South African prison. Nelson Mandela was forced to do hard labour work under the hot African sun everyday for 27 years. He did it with no f**king problem. He came out from the prison, got married and after 6 months he went, "I can't take this shit no more!"

hahaz. just to make everyone smile....

Trying to be funny???

i had perfect deepavali holidays back at home. It just couldn have been better. now, i have a lot of catching up to do... haiyo!!!!

well, after coming back, i realized something. people, especially girls, like artists. not comedian. They will laugh at all your jokes, they'll enjoy each n every word coming out from our mouth, they wouldn't have been happier without you around but at the end, they'll end up with artists. haha. a movie is not complete without some jokes. so people think, jokes are just there to spice up the movie. lemme tell something about people who like to make others laugh.....

i ain't talking about those who make fun of others. not those who hurt others just to steal the limelight. i'm talking about those who genuinely make others smile without hurting anyone. without them, the world would have been so boring till you wanna kill the person sitting right beside of u now. they are so important. they actually also make the world a better place to leave in. after all, laughter is the best medicine. so the person who makes u laugh is the best doctor ever. rite??? if you agree with the former, u have to agree with the latter.

but there's a problem about the best doc. people take them easily. people think they are insensitive and will take everything as a joke. come on... jovial people are normal human beings too. they have feelings as well. from what i observe, the more jovial a person is, the more sensitive he/she will be. you can joke with the jovial person but make sure your jokes don't hurt him. your joke can be lame. coz u might not good in making jokes. but try not to hurt others. dun ASSUME that he/she will take it easily. if you r not good at jokes, then dun joke. or u'll make yourself stupid!

what i'm stressing here is people who make jokes do have feelings but please don't hurt that by assuming they can handle it. please don't assume that way! try to understand them more than their jokes. u might find a new person inside him/her. remember, jovial persons do have feelings.....

reason to smile even during hard times!!!

i have wrote about my feelings before. i have shared a lot about my hard times. i have even complained about friends who disappoint me. how did i get thru this. what made me feel that everything is meant to be. what actually saved me??? obviously, friends like Dan Ladyboy, Ron, Boonie, Aman Gayman, Loga Estate, Ganesh, Hema, Suresh and Adrian are the friends one will find when he/she is in trouble. They may look funny but trust me, it's worth telling them. Girl friends like Pinky, May San, Minsin, Shiau Chuen, Ci Qian, Weixin and others are not bad as well. However, i dun share everything with everyone. In fact, i have never shared everything with one of them. It's not their prob, but it's actually mine. I want my friends to be happy always. I'll be seeing them everyday and i just wanna see smiles on their faces and nothing else. Did i manage to go thru everything without sharing? No, i dun think anyone can do that. I'm gonna tell about a friend of mine who has been there for me since the day one i know her.

She was my classmate in Year 1 in NUS. And actually, i must thank God for letting me to know this girl. We were friends since then. We might not meet often; in fact it's very hard to meet her since she's very busy. haha. we dun see each other much. We chat online quite often. MSN has been our main means of communication. That's why friends around me dunno about this one of my dearest friend. I call her my Angel since she's there for me when s*it happens and laughs with me when joy is around me.

A guy needs a girl to share his problems. I've shared almost everything with her. She is an interesting person who has the same lifestyle everyday. she has given me advice which somehow changed my stubborness, some of my principles and etc. and i know, they have changed me to a better person. whenever i'm unhappy with anything, she lends me her ears. She listens to me even though sometimes i'm unreasonable... then, she gave me her opinion and advice and of course i'll follow her guidance whenever necessary. Everytime, when somethings happen, i will always wanna share with her. she's someone special; definitely.

Our relationship is just friends. Best friends. That's all. I dunno whether people can understand this relationship but one has to have this plutonic friendship to understand what am i trying to say. She has been an Angel for me for all these years. And Charlene, for all, i would like to say only one thing; Thank You!!! and Happy belated Birthday!!!

way to celebrate a guy's birthday....

Friday the 13th was Ron's birthday..... well, Dan n i din get the chance to celebrate his birthday with him coz u know its for everyone..... we celebrated with some friends. with girls. so it was a bit 'girly'. haha.... so we have to have some guys outing for Ron!!! so today, we went out to Vivo city. seems like outing for couples but haha, we have to go to a coo place. haha....

we took our dinner at Carl's Junior. Good food. haha. then we went to arcade. we shot some bad guys and dinosours. haha. then we kicked some balls. now, that's a game worth spending for. we were kicking balls and guess what, Ron is the top striker. haha. but we always lose at semis or finals. couldn't win the tournament. need more practice and team understanding. haha...

then, we went to the open space to admire the beauty of Sentosa island. haha. again, looks like couples outing. well, close friends do spend time together like this. haha. it was a great outing. it was cool. we were laughing all the way from the beginning till we said goodbye to each other.

now, that's the way to celebrate a guy's birthday rather than just singing a birthday song. haha. well, we can celebrate by cutting the cake, singing the song and bla bla but those r basic stuffs. we need to do something new to make the birthday boy special. haha. now, thats what we call fun!

Mother....

God cannot take care of everyone at the same time. God cannot show His love to everyone at the same time. Therefore, He created a person who can love us, who can care for us, who share our problems and who will sacrifice anything for us. He created Mother!!!

No matter how close we are with our friends, colleagues, brothers, sisters, cousins, etc. Nothing can be compared with our mother's love. When we are hungry, pain, disappointed, frustrated, happy and joyful, we always find our mum. I can definitely say that mothers have made the world a better place to live in. Definitely.

Wherever we go or whatever we do, there's always a person who will expecting us back home with broad arms filled with love. Our mother. She is undeniably a reason for us to go back. Mother, without u, there wouldn't be love in this world. The first person to love us is our mother. She has been loving us ever since we were 'formed'. She cared for us every single day since she was carrying us in her. Who else can do that? That's why mother's love is the greatest.

Mum, I just wanna say, Happy Birthday!!! May all your wishes come true. And I know you just wish the best for us. We'll make your wish come true! Mum, I Love You!!! Thank you for everything. If there's a day where I love you; if there's a day where I think about you; and if there's a day where I live for you; it's EVERYDAY!!! Love you, mum. Mum, you are the best!

time to be happy...

for the past few weeks or so, i've been negative! no more. it's time to be happy. haha... i think this will last only till friday coz on friday, i'll be sitting for a test which i dun have even a percent of confidence to pass the paper. haha.

Dan n i were talking bout girls just now and we came to a simple conclusion. to get a girl, lets go back home! haha, trust me. it makes sense. our kind of girls are back at hometown waiting for us. lets pick a rose from the hometown garden. those are the ones for us. i watched a movie and the heroin is so beautiful and nice. it gave me confidence that there's a small probabilty such girls exist and if we r nice and patient, we'll get them. and it's worth waiting.... what if there are no roses back at home?? what if?? then lets go back to Aman's place or Boon Eng's place. there will be some roses somewhere!! but i dun think our roses are here. haha...

then what r we gonna do in Singapore. our lives are gonna be boring without girls. At some point in our lives, we, guys, need girls. girls to talk to, girls to play with, girls to tease and joke around. we need them. so what we r gonna do is very simple. we r gonna be friendly around girls. we ain't gonna hurt anyone. just gonna enjoy ourselves and make people around us happy. we gonna admire the girls from far and forget bout them the next second. that's all.

and dudes, dun argue with girls. dun. coz we can never win! guys can never win an arguement with girls coz we have the need to make sense. they don't. so dun argue. just say yes. say yes even before the word comes out from ur girl's mouth. haha.... Chris Rock lines, more to come!!!

Y, y, y and y????

Y it has to end this way??? y it has to happen again..... y, y and y??? these questions are making my life more and more miserable. everytime i try to bounce back stronger, something will struck me to the ground. How many times can i take it. 10, 20 times?? what if it keeps repeating??? how am i gonna survive??? a lot, trust me, a lot of these puzzles are making me so depressed.

no anger, frustration or happiness in me now. only tears. i've always tried to think positive, but when things are happening in the negative ways, how am i suppose to think positively. if i feel that i'm lucky coz something worse could have happened, in a few days time, that will happen to me. y????

God, are U trying to teach me what life is??? is this life?? i really can't take it anymore. I've been fighting a lot since years ago and i'm still fighting. When will this battle end? after i leave the world?? Really feeling like leaving the world now! the only thing which is preventing me from doing so is the people i love around me.

They are giving me strength even though it's actually hopeless to hope. they are encouraging me even though i'm keep losing. For them, i will always try. one day, i will win. one day, i will wake up. and one day, i will bounce stronger. and when that day comes, i will be very strong. and i know, i wont fall down easily after that. God, if U take away these people, then i think there's no reason for me to live......... and that's the worst possible thing that can happen to me now!

Bad luck knocking the door again.....

i still remember... about 10 months ago, i was bombarded with problems. i slowly faced them and somehow managed to solve them. Now, the problems are coming back to me at the same time. Problems are good. they plan very well and attack me at the same time. i'm not going down this time. no more defeats and tears. this time, i'm well prepared. just bring it on... i'm not scared at all!!!

I finished my first mid term paper this afternoon. i realized one thing that i'm a guy who like applying n not deriving. just hate derivations. well, it shows that i'm not creative but innovative which is true. i'm not creative at all. and one more thing. it's really painful when we can figure out the answers for all the tricky and hard questions just to do careless mistakes in the first question. it's more painful than not doing those tricky questions. man, ganja!

for the past few weeks, i've been thinking a lot. a lot till i have no time to think about my studies. haha. i feel hatred, disappointment, frustration and anger around me. just dunno y. i'm trying to calm everything down but guess it's getting bigger n stronger as the days pass by. i dunno where will i be when those feelings explode one day. hope it won't. remember to smile. certain things are best not to be told. so keep it that way.

before i start to study for my next test, here's a joke. Chris Rock said that women hate women. it makes sense but i dunno whether it's true or not. for an instance, when a guy introduces his new girl to his dude, after they left, the dude will go like, "Hmmm... she looks nice. I'm gonna get someone like her." but when a girl introduces her new guy to her girlfriend, when they leave, she goes like, "I'm gonna get HIM! and I will slit the b**ches throat to do it!" haha... something to ponder......

Changes.....necessary or important?

the world is changing and no one can deny that.... and life has to change as well. we can't live a life we lived 10 years ago or there's no survival in this world. but for some, changes are something bad. very bad. for some, changes mean losing the original. well, it makes sense but it's not true.

i was brought up in a small town. our mentalities there are not like the big town people. to be short, big town people are more outspoken, broad minded and happy go lucky. but in my place, we dun critisize that openly. something like that. we prefer to stay at home at night. well, to be honest, after eleven, my place is a dead town. nothing except the 24 hours 'nasi kandar' stalls. so we don't go out during night. that's our way of living. that was how i lived my life before moving to KL for my A-levels.

Well, in KL, i changed a lot. I couldn't say to KL people that going out at night is wrong. they would kill me if i say 10pm is kind of late. To not be isolated, to not be conservative, i tried to adapt myself with that kind of life. i adapted quite well and i din have any culture shock. My brother was there to help. There was where i realize we need changes to improve in our lives.

I came to Singapore two years ago. Singapore is a well developed country and people here are more sporting as in they let people to voice their opinions. some of the opinions might not be that positive but it depends on us whether we wanna accept it or not. if we feel that what they say is true, then we follow. if not, we argue or just follow our own way. right? but there's no point to fight over n over again about something which is not gonna do any good to anyone. no point. for an example, what's the use of complaining bout NUS system where no one can come up with a better one. just follow or start planning. y do we wanna catch attention by doing something stupid! no offense but there are people like this.

we need changes to improve. changes are not always for improvement. but it depends on us totally. if we wanna improve, we need to change. and if one were to lose his 'originality', then guess there will be new original of himself. lemme stress. this is not a rapid change or chnages which don't stay long. changes, necessary or important? i think it's both!

"girls will be 'nice' only in front of the guys they are interested in"

how true is that statement??? some of us will feel that its rubbish.... but trust me, i did not make it up! it was actually said by girls! i have no idea what were they thinking when they said it out but for me, they are actually insulting the guy friends around them. haiyo. these people..... will not change even if Mahatma Gandhi is re-born. 'girls will be nice in front of guys they like or interested in': this statement is fine but to add only before nice, i think its ridiculous. y do girls need to act differently in front of people. if u dun like someone, just say it and stay away. that's much better than being with the person and insulting him in front of others.

for girls who think the statement is flawless, i'm quite sad for u. i have no idea when u will be 'nice', if u know what i mean. i dunno what made the girls think that guys will entertain such girls. if they do, then they are after something else. i take it as an insult for all the guys. if guys can be themselves in public, whenever n wherever, y can't girls do the same. okay, i might not understand the girls' hormones that well, but u know, thats not the way to treat guys or anyone. u'll treat a guy very nicely only if u like or interested in him and when u dun need nor like him anymore, u'll treat him like s**t.

i tell u what, this is what guys do. when a guy doesn't like a girl, he will say that he doesn't like her and when she needs help, he will try his best to help. this is what most of the guys do. some of the girls, when they need help, they'll be the nicest things on earth but when they don't need any, guys are like kryptonites to them. and i'm talking about those some of girls!! i know a lot of girls. most of them are very nice and appreciate their friends. but i dunno what really happened to this group of girls. as far as i concern, a girl will be interested in a guy only after she spends sometime together with the guy. during this period, you have to be yourself and show your partner whether u r nice or not in his eyes. not wait till u have feelings on him and then trying to be nice. by that time, if the guy has pride, he would have dumped u for another girl!!!

i think we need to change the statement. "girls will be nice too in front of the guys they are interested in". that sounds better but i dunno how many will follow......

be broad minded and stay positive......

well, i've been telling everyone to think and act positively. however, i just realized that for the past few weeks, i was not positive at all. I was being pissed for small matters and let the emotion to take over me. i was complaining for everything. i was sad, depressed, frustrated and angry. i have no idea how could i be like that. i'm the guy who will try my very best not to show my problems but i guess i was affected emotionally. i was very negative.

two nights before, i was chatting with my friend. well, i told her everything that i was going through. i did not feel stupid nor embarassed to share those stuffs with her coz i've been sharing a lot of things with her since the first year. we chatted for hours. she was listening to my problems. then, she told me to be positive. she reminded me what i used to say. be positive, clam and be cool. everything is meant to be. and we must be positive and try to accept it. look at the bright side of the world. she made me understood that being positive during hard times is difficult but not impossible. thank you.

only then i realized that there was no point for me to be down. i'm in a position where no matter what happens, i 'win'. i came to know that thinking negatively for that matter would only affect me emotionally. it would never help me to overcome my feelings. yes. its true. we have to be positive.

after that, i was back to normal. now, i'm happy even though my 'problem' is not yet solved. i know, it will get solved by itself and i will accept it. hey, friend! thank you very much for your advice. u have been always there whenever i needed advice. now, i'm happy with the life i'm living and with the people around me. really happy and no regrets. look at the bright side of the world...

Stress.... feeling stresss even to handle it?

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Now, lets put love topic aside first. i'll come back to it when necessary. the topic which runs in my mind now is STRESS! Lets define stress. according to www.onelook.com, the quick definition of stress is difficulty that causes worry or emotional tension. well, we are gonna talk about this stress and not anything else.

i realize people tend to get stressed up easily. traffic jam, stress. long queue, stress. no small change, stress. lab work, stress. there are a lot more stuffs which can make one stressed up.

people use to relate busyness with stress. if the person is busy, somehow, he/she will be stressed trying to finish his/her assignment. well, actually, busyness is not directly proportional to stress. one can be very busy but by being very organized, he/she can accomplish whatever he/she wanted to accomplish at the end of the day. we dun have to go far. lets take the Prime Minister of Singapore, Lee Hsein Loong, as an example. If he's stressed up everyday, most probably more Singaporeans would migrate to other countries and the general election would be very much earlier than expected. He is stressed, i'm not saying he isn't. He is. But the way he handles it makes him the top man in Singapore. that's how we should be.

some people just can't handle stress. They can be one sweet person but when they are stressed up, even devil will lose to them, if u know what i mean. i came across a person who even said, "Why should i care about others when i myself am stressed!" and the other one who doesn't wanna be with friends when the person is stressed. These are just simple examples which i did come across. y r people handling stress in this manner. everyone will experience stress one day. worse still if everyday. we should talk to our friends or someone to let go our stress. We must not let stress to take over us! We should control stress rather than stress controlling us.

if we cannot handle stress, we can never live the way we want in this world. be calm and when stressed, lets find ways to overcome it, not to keep thinking about it. if we can't, talk to others. others might have gone thru the same thing some years before. haha. and work smart to overcome our stress. Do one thing at any one time. settle it before going to the next matter rather than jumping here n there and messing up things. sometimes, meditation does help. be calm, control yourselves and you can achieve more than you expect!

Love at the first sight.....

well, if you fall in love after seeing her for the first time, i can understand. coz guess what. i'm still in love with her. haha. Admiring is love but love is not only admiring. I admire her a lot. In fact for the past 10 years, i have been admiring her and for me, she's getting more n more beautiful everyday. Even though she's married with kids now, her beauty is still there. haha. i really love her.

So, is this love called a true love??? I would say its love at the first sight. but i dun believe love at the first sight. y? simple. coz, u r only looking the outer beauty and admiring it. thats all. not loving. u might have crush on the person but definitely not love. The first impression might bring u closer to the person and after knowing the person well, only then u'll know whether u r in love or not. u need to know a person before falling in love with the person. but if u fall in love with the person before knowing the person, better be lucky or i'll be waiting with packs of tissues. haha :P

the beauty is there to be admired. yes, we shud admire beauty. in fact, everyday, wake up, see the mirror and say, u r hot!!! admire beauty. but this is not the only thing we need to love a person. understanding is very important as well. then, life would be more interesting with ur loved ones. what if one day u wake up and find out that u r bored with the person lying beside u? what if one day u feel u no longer have the same feelings with the person u loved? what if....... love the inner beauty. that love will ever remain!!

Love..... different kinds of it!!!

well, when a guy loves a girl, it doesn't always mean that the guy wants to marry the girl and wants to have a happy family with her. This is where the word love is misunderstood. When a girl is close to a guy, i mean only close as a friend, they are friends. they love each other as friends. this feelings can later develop into the 'love' we all understand. It can develop but doesn't mean that it will. last time, in my community, if a girl talks to a guy, she is not a good girl. well, even nowadays, there are people still having the mentality. come on, we r now in 21st century and heading towards globalization. we meet a lot of people everyday. so i think that mentality should be changed. if you know people with that mentality, please ask them to change it.

brothers love to their sisters. i have a blood-sister. and i love her a lot. and i do have non-blood-related sisters. many of them. trust me. many of them. whenever i go back home, these sisters will come and visit me. they love me very much. and i love them even more. is this love called the love where i wanna have family with them. it's rubbish. i love them as my sisters and i will always love them as my sisters. my love to them will ever remain n it will never, i repeat, never develop to other kind of love, if u know what i mean. if you love ur sisters, you'll understand my feelings.

mother's love to the son. i love my mum more than my life. and i know everyone does too. for the past 22 valentine's day, she has been my valentine. haha. if there's a person waiting for us back at home with broad arms full of love, that's our mum. no one can love us like our mum. wife comes next. haha. i'll tell more about mums later. haha.

there are more different kinds of love. please be broad minded. love is subjective, i agree. but there are thin lines differentiating all kinds of love. to love and to be loved, one must be very lucky. i'm lucky as a brother, friend and son. well, not yet as a boy friend or a father. haha. and i'm not desperate for it. i'm very happy with the love i'm living in with. fill this world with love.
Mother Theresa once said, "We cannot do great things, we can only do small things with great love!" the statement has thousand meanings in it. love your passion and the people around you.
if you dun feel any feelings inside you, dun give up! there might be someone who loves you for who you are! so no worries!!!

Love is Subjective..... Feel It to Understand It!!!

Love.... not everyone understands it! not everyone can describe the feelings associated with it! and not everyone will get the chance to feel it! Actually, as far as i concern, liking a person is not the only thing required to love the person. for an instance, if a person can't stand to meet another person, he/she might be having a crush on her/him. If the person fancies her/him coz of her/his outlook, the person admires her/him. if a person keeps on thinking about her/him, most probably the person is worried bout her/him. That's all. however, if a person is happy because she/he is happy, make her/him the happiest person in the world and understands her/him 100%, then the person is in love with her/him. Never fall in love with a person who you don't know her/him 100% coz your love will not prolong!! love is a lifetime commitment. it's not a 'masak masak' game!

love never fails. actually, one of the lovers fails. love is always there. it depends on us whether to feel it or not. if we are unable to share the feeling, then we fail as a lover. and when your partner says, "I'm sorry. I don't think our relationship will work out! Lets break up!", respect the decision. It'll be very hard, not impossible, to make your partner to love you back. But it's better to leave your partner go. Good for your partner and on top of that good for you too. when someone doesn't appreciate you or your relationship, then the person doesn't worth your time or love. trust me, if you are good, you'll get a better one. Just don't be like movies villain trying to 'destroy' your partner. by commiting that mistake, you are making your partner so great and you are 'down-grading' yourself. so dun. just hope that your partner will be happy wherever she/he is. that shows how great your love is! and dun be sad over it. Overcome it! remember, no one worth your tears, and the one who is will never make you cry!

now, how would you react if you are being loved? actually, that's the best possible feeling one can get. to be loved! never over react! dun boast around. and please give the person a chance. if the person is not your kind, make him/her to understand it. he/she will respect you more. try not to hurt anyone's feelings coz you'll never want to be in their shoes. at least, respect them for loving you coz they saw something in you which others didn't.

when both of you are in love with each other, then you can see the paradise in front of your eyes. Treasure the relationship and you can live happily ever after just like any other fairy tales. it doesn't take a prince and a princess to be in a fairy tale. create your own and when your children want to talk about a great fairy tale, they'll talk about both of you. Love needs two to share. make sure you understand your partner and vice versa. and god bless you!!! hope we can find someone to love and someone to love us and hope our love is forever......

Interesting trip to jb....

well, lemme make it clear first. JB might not be the interesting place to go. yes i agree. but if u go with the right kind of people, then, jb is an interesting place to go. I went to jb yesterday just to catch a movie. a tamil movie. Dan supposed to follow us but at last he went to watch an english movie with aman. nvm. 5 of us went to watch the movie. The movie was superb. no dancing around the trees or rolling down the mountain. nowadays, tamil movies or indian movies have changed. the stories and screen play now are more advanced and realistic. not like 70s or 80s where one guy can beat up 20 strong men and escape strings of bullet shots without any injuries. haha. as a whole, the movie was great even though i dun agree in some of the parts. by the way, the condition of the cinema was bad. really very bad. sigh.... cannot watch a good movie at that kind of place anymore...

after the movie, we headed straight back home. haha. our group consisted of 4 guys n a girl, the girl being the only PR. well, being a PR, you can clear the checkpoint earlier and faster. But yesterday, we all cleared the checkpoint and were waiting so long for the girl to clear hers. sigh... was it the queue problem or girls are always late?? haha. no offence.

then we took the mrt from kranji. we planned to take our dinner before going back home. so we decided to stop at bukit batok mrt station and go to the west mall. but, since all the guys were standing and the girl was sitting, we, guys, planned to get down at the previous station and wanted to look at her expression being stucked in the train while we were outside. well, the girl is new to mrt stations and we din tell her bout the dinner plan. So, we got down at bukit gombak station and looked at her to see what's her expression. unfortunately, she was looking up to the maps. sigh... we missed her expression. then we called her and told her to wait at the next station while we take the next train there. haha. feel bad bullying her. anyways, she din take it hardly. sorry, girl.

We enjoyed ourselves very much. at night the girl shifted to eusoff hall. so we, guys again, helped her to move her stuffs. haha. we had some great time together. cool. u know, sometimes we need to enjoy and to relax. it's really refreshing..... hope to have this kind of outings really soon......

Family bonding....

during vacation, there's one definite place all of us wanna go: hometown, back home. no matter where we travel, at least for me, home is still the best place to be in. everytime i go back home, i will want to be in my house. I dun really like to go out once i'm in my house. the 'aura' of belonging is there. the living room, the bedroom, the tv, computer, dining table, kitchen and even toilets. i just wanna be there. furthermore, with your family members around. it just cannot be better.

my family consists of 4 angels and me. my dad, mum, brother n sister. i admire one main thing in my dad and my bro. no matter what happens, no matter how the situations are, they can really solve them. they have the ability to overcome problems. as for my mum and sis, they are so caring. my mum's support to my dad has brought us where we r now. u know, beside every successful man, there's a woman. in my dad's case, it's my mum. my family; we face problems together. we enjoy together. something like we laugh and cry together. this is where our bonds between each other became very strong. solid strong. my family has not gathered in complete(as in all of us) in my house for almost 3 years now. the last time i was with my family was when we sent my sis back to Ukraine. i spent only few hours with my family and i feel our bonds are getting stronger. the courage to live and to face anything actually comes first from our family itself. U have a great reason to go back. to be with your family. u will not wanna commit anything which can affect that bonding. hope this bonding among us will always be stronger and stronger.

However, i think some of us, we dun appreciate our family. if u can see, some of them dun even talk to their siblings. no idea y it can go till that extent. it depends on the characteristics. but trust me, family members are the ones who can understand us well. they can really understand us if they were given a chance. people tend to regret only after losing something. appreciate while u r having now. there are so many people craving for family love and if u dun appreciate it while having it now, there must be something wrong somewhere. love starts from the family. love your family. lets make the world a better place to live in....

helping.... or being used!!!

when someone needs help, we should give a hand to them no matter who they are. this is one of the basic humanity values. Coz when someone needs help, he/she really expecting someone to help him/her. and if we can, we should help them. however, if we are not in the position to help, we should straight away tell the person that we are not able to help.

However, we must make sure that we are not being used by others. for an instance, a person can be the sweetest thing on earth when he/she needs something from you. he/she even asks about your grandfather. but when he/she doesn't need you, he/she cares nothing about u! what kind of species are those people. i always believe that when we ask for help and help is given to make our lives better, we should as well help others who might need help. and never forget the one who helped you coz without the person, you would have ended up in some bad place u can't even imagine.

i have come across some people who never help the person who helped them. worse still if the person needs the same help he/she has given to them. now, doesn't that sound ridiculous. come on..... everyone needs help. and when help is given, please don't forget the person and his/her contribution. appreciate them. maybe both of you can become real friends......

sunshine.....

for the past few years, i've been going thru' a dark passage where i had no idea where was i, what was i doing, etc. i was in deep loneliness and emptiness.... till i found my new sunshine few weeks ago. i have frens who'll share anything and who'll be there for me for everything. but no one understands my feelings.... no one to share my thoughts n problems.... i dun like to share, sorry to say.... i was really in dark....

till i met my sunshine. my life turned into better. trust me, i could really see the shine in the dark. it just brought me to the light. now, i see hope in my life. i used to carry on with my life, trying to think positive and be happy. well, looking at my sunshine, i knew that something really positive is happening to my life. this is happening when i needed it the most. thank you very much. actually, i dun expect anything else from the sunshine as the sunshine has already brighten up my life. i think it's time for me to take care of the sunshine....... thank you from the bottom of my heart. u were there when i needed someone the most.....

kl trip continues.....

well, the person came online but asked me to continue bloggin or she won't be talking to me. girls are always complex creatures.... can't really understand them. but it's ok. it's quite fun too.

where did i stop in my previous blog. oh, ya. said good bye to my sis. my dad was sad coz she's kind of his favourite child. haha. of course. anyone would like my sister. haha. she's wonderful...

i was so so so sleepy as i slept for only 12 hours for the past 4 days. my dad was scolding me coz i din take care of myself and put down weight. haiya.... nvm... i'll put on weight before deepavali and i'll show him. i'll start working out tomorrow.... i was just busy doing what i enjoy the most, dad. red cross work. no one seems to understand y am i too into red cross. it's ok. one day you will.

the next day, i was supposed to take the morning bus. but my cousin sis said she's coming to c me. have to wait for her coz i haven met her for about a year too. i love my sisters. so i decided to stay back to meet her. i went to the train station to pick her up. it was a great trip. i had maximum fun. for the first time in few years, all five of us, my family, gathered. it was really touching. how i wish to describe the feelings too.

i reached my room just now at about 10pm. and now, since i've finished blogging, hope my fren will talk to me...... :)

2 days with family......

there's one great place for us to spend our time and it will always be the way it is now. that's family. i went all the way to KL to say good bye to my sis. she flying to enroll in her 5th year in Ukraine. even though i was only with her for few hours deducting the times she was with her friends in the airport, KLIA, it was really great. i miss her. can't wait till next year to c her. and u know what, my brother is getting MARRIED next year. omg, can't believe it. i know my brother well. haha. he's getting married next year. time sometimes flies even faster than concorde. all da best to him. my sis-in-law is a good person too. he's lucky as i'm still in the quest of searching one. haha.

i spent about 5 hours to reach kl from jb. i dun like KL. ganja traffic. traffic polices are just eating nasi lemak. i walk even faster than the traffic. as a prove, i walked for a kilometre to meet my bro. if not, i think i would have spent another hour for that ganja one km. kl is getting worse. nvm....

when i went back to my aunt's house at Padang Jawa, my family was already prepared to leave to KLIA. the flight was at 10.30pm, and my dad asked everyone to get ready by 6pm. thats my dad. brutally punctual. haha. i'm meeting my aunt after almost a year. she's more like a mum to me.

in KLIA, there was a big crowd. now, i realize y changi airport can make money when KLIA is losing. the customer service n efficiency are not there in KLIA. the queue was very long and the time taken to clear each luggage was long. they are losing money every second by doing that. sigh... KLIA can never match Changi airport if this is how the services are. back to my sis, i felt so hard to say good bye to her. haha. well, but i'm used to it. nvm. she'll be back next year for my bro's wedding. haha.

just came back and i'm blogging while waiting my fren to take her shower. she asked me to blog while she's taking her bath. to play safe, i wont say who the person is..... haha. dun get jealous...
and now, the person is back. i'll continue blogging some other day! haha....

common orientation........

today, i finally finished all the major activities or Red Cross which i join actively. after this, for all other activities, i'll be still around but not as active as i used to be. now is the time for me to rest and let the new com do everything. the event went well, positive feedback from the participants. it was an enjoyable experience for me though.

did not sleep well for two nights preparing for the event..... kind of relieved now. i can start concentrating my school work which is piling up now. haha. something happened during the common orientation which actually crushed my hope. really... looking back at it, i think i deserve it. nevermind, now is not the time to complain but to face it and start living with it. i'll change where and when i should. dun wanna think about something which will depress me...

Dinner with Geri would be the most important agenda of all. this will take place on Tuesday night where we have some issues to hit out and discuss. hope that some good conclusion can be made from there for the better future of the chapter. looking forward to it!!!

a lovely girl......

i met this girl during the interview...... it took Dan 7 glasses of alcohol to make him happy the other day but it took me 10 minutes interview with this girl to be happy for the rest of my night and until now. haha. mine is much stronger than Dan's alcohol marathon!

I met her again to discuss about her job scope as the assistant secretary. We spent time together for about 2 hours discussing the job scope. haha. actually, it took merely half an hour to finish explaining her the job scope. after that, we were just chatting. we had a good chat. of course. every chat with a lovely girl is a good chat! haha. i came to know that we share a lot in common. so it's good for Red Cross. I believe she has the same passion for red cross.

After 2 hours of enjoyable conversation, she wanted to go back since her dad was about to pick her up. we were at arts canteen and her pick up point was at YIH. haha. so, we walked from Arts canteen to YIH. Even though most of the time i end up complaining coz of walking quite a distance but at that time, i was enjoying myself. haha. we must enjoy doing whatever we do so that we won't know the difficulties of the work. I had a great time chatting with her.

Today, i met her again at the socities area.... guess what! she fell in love with the blood bunny. haha. very cute.... haha. i think there are a lot of nice people out there. just that we need to take initiative to search. we'll never get disappointed in knowing people....

Busiest month in my whole life!!!

I've stepped down as the president of Red Cross NUS Chapter with pride. I have accomplished a lot of things when i was holding the top post. My team has organized a lot of activities and most of them were success. i think all of them were success except for one. but we did not lose the lesson. we'll improve...... Dr. Tan, the teacher advisor, read the testimonial he wrote for me. It was so nice until i almost dashed into tears. I did not expect it from him.

Now, I am the student advisor of my chapter. My friends asked me since i have stepped down, will i be joining actively in other socities. I told them, for the past two years, i have devoted all my time and energy for Red Cross. RC has been a part of me now. i can't neglect the chapter and simply join other socities. Can't do that. I will still be around helping my new committee for the coming year. Since the EXCO are all girls, i will have to teach them to be a rough at times. haha. well, they are girls..... hehe....

my team n i have organized/pre-planned all the activities in August. just not to stress the new com. My President is a lovely girl. She's the sweetest person ever i have encountered in my life. well, its a compliment for her. and she's friendly and funny as well. haha. she'll make a good leader. i have confidence in her.

basically, i have more work to do after stepping down. i must make sure the transition period (management changes hand during this period) to go on smoothly. i've been doing great in that, i guess. I have one more major stuffs to do. common orientation this weekend. then, i'll be a bit free. i can have sometime to myself, evaluating myself..... haha.... but before that, common orientation, here i come!

Feeling so tired.....

the semester is only two years old but i'm already tired. tired because of my own commitments. Red cross, etc. i've succesfully finished the red cross welcome tea last night and i would say we organized it quite well. the flow of the programme was smooth and we finished ahead of time. thats an achievement.

now, i'm busy with two things. i would say, two most important things for me. Flag day this Saturday and Common Orientation next week. I'm involved directly with these events and i must make sure everything is going on well. After that, i will take a big rest even though i'll still be around assisting my new president.

A lot of things to do in a short period of time. Sometimes, i feel i can't do it. but i have to do it. It's okay to work harder now and taking rest later rather than messing up everything from the start to the end. haha......

lets do one work at one time. lets go step by step. our job is to plan the step so that its not a wrong one. haha. so never give up. everything is meant to be.....

Red Cross......

I have been at the top post for a year. Red Cross Humanitarian Network (RCHN) NUS Chapter has been a part of my life now. It has been with me throughout the year. it has been a very good friend of mine whenever i needed a company, a good counselor whenever i needed advice and so on. I might be very busy doing red cross stuffs everyday, but doing something i enjoy is the best thing that could happen in my life!
Under red cross, i travelled to Palembang. Red Cross was the medium where i met a lot of people ranging from big shots to the disabled. wow, what a year. i had lots n lots of fun. meeting people and organizing stuffs. i did perform. i'm the student advisor of the chapter but i will not be that involved like i used to be. I will have to divert my concentration to my studies. I have different perspectives in my life now. education is not the only goal in my life. i have to settle other things first and to start off, i must have good education background. guess i already have. need some brushing up only.

firstly, i need to change my family's mentality. making them think wider. they are not to be blamed because they were raised in that condition and did not have any chance to explore the world. I have now and i need to pass the knowledge to them. then, i need to erase the pre-concious that others have on my family. looking down on my family and saying that we can never go far. i've come this far where none of them could. NUS is not a 'pray-pray' place. haha. i think i have silenced a lot of them but i don't think it's enough. i have higher goals in my life. and i will always live to my goals. and i will change my principles and myself if i have to. I will not lose my 'original' self by changing into a better person. If i have room to improve, i will. And if i can only change myself to improve, i will definitely change. life is all about changes to be more interesting..... i think i have my goals now......... haha..... at last i know what i'm doing and will be doing.......

goals, i'm on my way there... bear with me!

Are women cheap?????

Our mother, the best person for everyone, is a woman. Mother Teresa is a woman. Women are the ones who have patience if anything were to go the wrong way. I have lots of respect to the opposite sex of mine. Women are so needed in this world. for almost everything. However, there's one person, an idol for lots of people, is proving me wrong. If you all know, she is the Malaysian all-time superstar, top singer. I always wanted to blog about her and i guess this is the right time.

She has made the nation so proud. She has worked so hard till Malaysians are proud of her. We should be lucky to have her. This is only till before last July when she announced her marriage. Oh, Lord. Please tell me its a nightmare!! Not her marriage but to whom she's gonna get married. After all the sweat and tears she had shed, after all the effort she has put to be no. one artist in Malaysia for long time, she dashed them overnight. She is gonna get married to some old chap. y?

Well, its not correct for me to talk about her personal matters but she is an idol. everyone follows what she does. ganja. a guy just have to be rich and he can get anyone he wants???? So, in future, i just need to work hard till i'm 40++ and once i'm rich, i can get a woman in her twenties. Ganja. According to The Star paper, she was touched by the way the chap treats his children. Thats y she fell for him. If that's the case, she should marry my father, your father and lots of fathers. What is so special of one guy taking care of his children?? My dad raised us very well too. he poured all his love to us too. I bet most of the fathers do the same thing. Only that our fathers are a bit poorer. thats all. ganja.

She has been an idol for me for so long. now, i wash my hands over her. Y do people take this kind of decision. No idea!! It's ok to make mistakes but some will make regret for our life. so becareful. anyways, i wish her a happy married life. what more can i say. haha. she has all the rights to decide her life just like how i have all the rights to blog. haha.

define friends.........

"A friend in need is a friend indeed"! How true is that statement? you might not understand it till you have gone through hard times. We might think that friends are those who are together with us when we are having fun or when we are celebrating our birthdays. We might even be angry if the friend doesn't greet us when walking pass by us. Well, it's true but not completely true. Will the friends who shared your laughter be also there when u r in grieving tears? or will they actually lift you up when you 'fall down' badly? Now, if they will, they are the true friends. If they do not or will not, then they don't worth your friendship. Friends are the ones who share our happiness and also care when we are in pain.

To be a good friend, first we have to think about our behaviour. If you know you are not the person who will be there when your friends are in trouble, you might have to change your attitude. Some people think that if they change their attitudes, they'll lose their 'original' self. Well, to be honest, do you really wanna be like that. You are no better than a dancing doll. Even a dog will be sad if its master is not feeling well. So what's the purpose of you having friends. You are selfish, sorry to say. If there's room to improve, please do so even it would change your way of living. Back to friends, from thinking who are your friends, first think whether you are a good friend. that's important. will u be there when your friends need someone? or will you be caring enough to ask whether your friend is having problems or not? If you will, then u may think about your friends. If they don't, then they don't worth your friendship.

It's true that when we help our friends, we don't expect anything. if you do, then you are not an honest person. However, we do sometimes need help. We can expect something from our friends to help make things better. But if none of your friends appears, then no point shedding your tears. They just don't worth it. Keep going and of course you'll find true friends one day. Once you find them, you'll be always satisfied and relieved. Remember, no one worth your tears, and the one who is will not make you cry!!!!

Friendship forever.

small change big difference.......

we r keep doing the same thing everyday. waking up, go to class, finish homework, play, study and then sleep. are't u bored doing the same thing everyday??? don't u think we need some changes. don't u think there has to be some positive changes to this world? don't u think the world can be a better place to live in? I do think so!

lets not talk about people. lets talk about ourselves. its very very rare to find a person who isn't complaining. very very rare. y? by complaining, u r playing as a victim's role? y do u wanna be a victim? A hero is not a victim. instead he is the one who overcomes the hurdles put across his way. even if u don't wanna be a hero, u mustn't be a victim either. so stop whining! if u think u can change your world into a better place for others, start now or u'll be still be complaining till u go 6 feet under. we now have the youth power. people do listen to youths. this isour time now to wake up and amend the mistakes done by our parents and their parents and so on. come on, make a change. even if it's small, i'm sure, it'll result in big difference. trust yourself. sky may not even be the limit. u can, we can, we all can!!!!

think about our world without any negative issues. no terrorism, corruption, racism, discrimination, war, etc. nothing. nothing but only happiness and satisfaction. Don't you think it would be a wonderful world to live in?

Lively Performance......

yesterday, Dan n I went to a concert or a show, i would say. Well, the special thing about this concert is, it was all mandarin. This, at least for me, was the weirdest concert i've ever been to. sitting there trying to figure out what is exactly going on. haha. we actually went to support Kailing and Vern Vern. 3 songs from there and we sat there for 3 hours. haha. in short words, we went not coz of the songs but coz of the people.

Kailing sang with full of expressions. sad songs as if she is really the 'victim'. really good. vern vern on the other hand was awesome. very very good and interesting. aman shud be proud now. ops, y am i talking bout him now. back to vern vern. she looked so cute in her outfit and her performance was cool and lively. others, good job. i dunno whether i'm being bias or not but the performances by kailing and vern vern were the best.

we came back rite after the concert. played some cs and spent the night together with ron, shiau chuen and pinggee. we were playing cards for the night after chatting for hours. kind of realxing day coz starting from today, i really hope i can find time to relax. i'm that busy till saturday. hope everything will be fine.......

holidays finished......

well, NUS pep will be wondering what happened to me till i say the holiday is finished even though there's about a month before the sem starts. ganja, i have to do some red cross work. i'm now in sing, just finished a meeting. lots of stuffs to do. stress.....

for me, the best place to go during vacation is to Parit Buntar becoz of only one reason: family. i spent a week back there with my family and those days were so wonderful. My sister came back. i went back to visit her. i dunno y. everytime i say goodbye, i'll feel so hard to leave them. very hard everytime. now it has been like... ops lost count.

i have to work harder now. have to settle everything before the sem starts or i'll suffer during the semester. even though i'm stepping down next sem, i have to settle some stuffs first so that the next com will not face any problems.

when is this gonna end......

awesome trip....

came back yesterday. quite exhausted and sad. i have to leave Palembang. however, with me, i brought back some sweet memories. memories which i will treasure the rest of my life. thats y they r call memories. well, the people i met were awesome. the team members were cool, naughty, sporting, supportive and noisy. haha. just like me.

Red Cross Youth gathering in Palembang, Indonesia. the camp was carried out quite perfectly. foreigners were treated very nice. we were like superstars over there. man, i dunno how many flashes were on me. real superstars. and the best thing was, i took some pictures with the beauty pageants. Miss South Sumatera. the finalists. haha. it was really cool. the pictures n videos are with my frens now. once i got them, i'll put everywhere. will also be my desktop pic. haha.

back to the trip. the activities were fun, i would say. we were given freedom to choose the activities. so we chose only which we liked. bout 10 or so activities. the best activity was the friendship sport. 5 of us were tied together and we we asked to play football. haha. we won actually. so fun. then we got trashed in voleyball. in this game, the net was covered so that we cant see out opponents. haha. really had fun. we met some other foreigners too. koreans, japanese, germans, malaysians, etc. they were all cool. we all slept together in the guest house. old wooden house. haha... but was nice.

bout my team members, i'm the third eldest in the team but i never felt i'm old. mixing with the kids made me feel one. we were singing and dancing wherever we went. who cared. no one knew us in palembang. but we made fun. everyone who followed us was laughing n laughing. the way we teased some of them were really creative n funny. hehe. very nice....

i miss the trip. even though i din have enough sleep, the toilets were dirty and the food was not filling, but i still miss the place and people. i really hope to meet my team again. and one of the koreans, Kim, the teacher advisor of the Korean team, is coming to Singapore next Monday. since my teacher advisor is working, he asked me to accompany her. and she said it would be fun to be with me in singapore. haha. but too bad, i have to go back to malaysia. my sis is back n i need to see her. sorry Miss Kim. my sis comes first... c ya everyone!!!!!!

heart broken....

ganja! ganja! ganja! both my favourite teams lost last night. starting with England who still cannot win in penalty shootouts and Brazil who still cannot beat france in competitive matches after 1958. sigh.... maybe this is what is called double-blow. dun have interest in watching world cup dy. all europe teams. ganja. maybe no luck. Ronaldinho has to be given freedom to play. maybe its time for cafu to retire and bring on cicinho from start. Ronaldo is getting back his touch and he might need some more time. well for england, i have nothing to say. Erickson after all, should quit. they just cant past quarter-final level and scholari. ganja again. England needs a coach who can gel the midfield together and find strikers to finish off the opponents. maybe the best time would be euro 2008. steve mclaren, who has vast experience in EPL, has to take up the challenge. lots of stars sometimes brings disaster.

lost mood to pack up. not excited to go palembang. however, if i get the chance to watch the semis over there, i might do so. i wanna see skillful portugal, with deco and costinha back, not dirty ones like they play against england. zidane has to keep his 'magic'. he was wonderful last night. i would say, the French won mainly becoz of him. he was extremely outstanding. he was enjoying himself on the field. I wanna watch some attacking germany game also. N not a defensive-style play from Italy. at least i have some expectation with these four nations.

will be starting to pack my stuffs tonight. just a week there but i've no idea how palembang looks like. so din have a clear picture what exactly to bring. guess i'll bring everything i need necessary. cool. looking forward to it.......

Palembang...... Parameswara.... here i come!!!!!

phew, one week almost past. one of the busiest week. infact the busiest during this vacation. actually, i'm preparing to fly to Palembang for red cross gathering. this is just one of the priviledges one can get in red cross. i guess i'm lucky. since i'm taking off next tues, some last minute shopping is happening. infact i haven started shopping yet. haha. just one week there but i need more stuffs.

i came to know some school kids. they r following us to Palembang as well. nowadays i'm meeting a lot of school kids. haha. there are 5 of them and they are 15 years old. the ones i met in Sitiawan a month ago are somewhere that age too. on seeing them, i miss my school days. waking up early in the morning. getting ready to go to school with mum doing breakfast. really miss it. now, who's cooking breakfast for me? no one. have to buy or skip. sigh......

oh ya, strange things happen in red cross too. i din attend any of the common orientation meeting, but i was chose as the logs head for that event. have to do it again. ganja. i'll be totally free only after that. ganja. maybe they chose me coz i was not there and no one wanted that post. i want to pass but there's no one to take over. lets do it for one last time. strange......

world cup is just getting more n more exciting. this quarter-finals matches are the best ever i've seen. its gonna be good. cannot miss even one of them. haha. go brazil. i predict its brazil vs england and argentina vs italy semis. and final would be brazil vs argentina. that will be very very cool. haha. other teams supporters, dun get angry. its just my opinion. brazil is lifting the cup. haha........

expo.... oh, expo!!

time for blogging again. this time bout my job at the singapore expo. CommunicAsia and BroadcastAsia took place at expo from 20th to 23rd of this month. well, seeing the ad in the papers, dan n i joined as the usherer/crowd controller. its a simple but boring job. very boring till we had no idea what to do. long hours working with least pay. worst deal in town but the timing was perfect. just before dan going to genting and me preparing to fly to palembang, meeting parameswara. we had fun working there.

i have no idea how many CEOs, Presidents etc. (big shots all over the world) have passed me. i was taking care at the conference 'back gate' while Dan was in-charge at the registration entry. he was having fun with all the cisco police while i was left alone at the back. pity me. anyway, i met some frens. the waiter and waitress who never tired serving me food and coffee. haha. they were so kind.

i have an advice. unless you r too deperate to kill time and save some money, please don't do this job. we were helping an outsource company. so we din give a damn bout the organizer. our supervisors had a hard time with the organizers. they lost their temper as the organizers kept changing mind and rushing us at the last minute. they think we can read minds. need to charge them for that as well. haha. ganja. anyways, dan n i were safe. in fact, we r so called the most punctual 'part timers'.

and now, i'm free. dan is getting ready to genting while i'm catching back the second round matches of the world cup as i missed most of the games in the group stages. waiting for argen vs mexico match. winner will fac awaiting host, germany. germany have impressed with their new style of attacking game. can't wait to watch arg vs ger. ganja good match. but before that, arg need to beat tricky mexicans. haha........ anyway, brazil is lifting the cup once again!

JB......

well, last sat 5 of us had lunch together. (ron, pinggee, maysan, sapien n i) over the meal, we were planning bout how to spend the day. at last we decided to go jb. wow. it just came like that and we ended up in jb.

In jb, we met dan. dan skipped church coz of us. sorry, bro. we went to arcade first where we can shoot some bad guys. after wasting some money there, we went for a movie. i was suggesting tipah tertipu but the rest wanted black night. i have a bad experience watching horror movies with friends. i alwiz end up laughing the whole movie. but for this movie, i really hoped it would keep my hands on my face and me under my seat. it did actually but not to me. haha. if u know what i mean....

before watching the movie, we had dinner together. after so long...... dan n i were cracking some jokes as usual. well, after that, it was movie time. i was a bit spooked up coz i have to stay in the yacht alone that night. however, i really wanted some real horror movies. unfortunately, dan n i sat side by side. me at the far corner. even before the movie started (during the ad time) we were already laughing. haha.

the movie started. actually the movie comprises of three different stories. the first story was nice. a bit scary but i was laughing as well. the second story was a rubbish. i wonder what is 'hyu'. if u guys want to watch this movie, find for me what's 'hyu'. dan said it's a rat. i said it's a cocodile. but at the end it looks like an octopus. no idea. haha. third story, i really wanted the movie to finish fast. sigh....... this movie will add to my horror 'comedy' movies. haiyo........ shud have watched tipah tertipu. no one wants to listen to me......

anyways, it was a good outing. after some bad times, really had a break. oh, ya! by the way, the parents of the girl i mentioned in my previous blog, have decided that their daughter is getting married. screwed up mentality. nothing much can be done......

mentality screwed up!!!!

humans are given the priviledge to rule this world. the advantage of human to be superior than other living things is the ability to think. yet for some, their thinking are all messed up!

i have a fren. a childhood fren. she is not that smart but very hardworking. unfortunately, she has to go from the first level. from certificate, diploma and then degree. she wants to finish her degree and i have confidence she can do it. she has the determination to study and she got offerred a place in one of the polytechnics to enroll in 2 years diploma. international business is a good course. however, her parents want her to get married! to get MARRIED! what the hell?? whats wrong with these people. i thot nowadays, parents want their children to get educated as high as possible and these parents want their children to get married to a lowly paid worker at 22. come on. and just because she doesnt want to nod for everything her parents say, they start to curse her. y r those people's mentality screwed up. i really dun unerstand.

now, she is in dilemma. she's alwiz like, "hola, what is i go do?" i really pity her but my dad told me not to go and fight with her parents. after all, we all have been neighbours (a good one) for so many years. hope everything will go well for her........

make love not war......

this statement is what dan once told me. at that time, i felt it was a joke but now i realize that the statement carries a lot of meanings in it!

for all i've blogged bout my frens, i got a long awaited reply. a long explanation from a true fren. a fren who never gives up on anyone, not like me. well, she explained to me the story from the other side. now i realize what they r thinking. i admit, i have blogged bout lots of things without even thinking of th respective party's feelings. what i was thinking at that time was if my feelings were not taken into account, y must i care bout others' feelings. din care, really. now i realize what i've done is wrong. i din intend to hurt anyone but i guess i did hurt a lot of people. maybe the way i took is wrong but the messages i wanted to spread is true. messages were sent to respective people but they went not in an appropiate way.

and now, i have a positive answer from my frens. they are changing. changing to better persons. changing to be respectful in the society. good for them. but sad for me, i've been the bad guy for them. i dun mind, as long as they have turned into well considerate people. now i feel that their eyes were opened. now they know how to face people. very good. for me, i'm not that important. as long as i show up whenever i'm needed, thats fine. i no longer have any feelings now.

i'll somehow start a new life when i reach singapore. i dunno how am i gonna be 'welcomed' there by my frens but i'll start to be more diplomatic. well, war isnt the best way to solve anything. only pain is felt. so now the world is there to love n to be loved. fill up the world with love n joy. perhaps it would be a better place to stay......

cooooool vacation!!

came back from sitiawan last saturday. had a great time there. went for a temple's celebration. i was one of the persons who helped up the celebration. feeling proud of it. during this celebration, i was incharge of first aid. so, i took care of 5 first aiders in the morning and three of them in the evening. nothing bad happened. basically, we had maximum fun together.

teck hooi (VP of PBSM Methodisyt ACS Sitiawan), chin siang, yuki, chun meng and chien woon. these r the pep i spent the most of the time with on the day. even though they r still in secondary school, it was really fun to be with them. we cracked some jokes along the way. as a whole, i enjoyed myself to the max in sitiawan.

well, it takes around 5.5 to 6.5 hours to reach sitiawan form parit buntar including the waiting hours. have to take three buses. man, it was hard from me before i could reach sitiawan. first time going there alone and took a new route, i finally reached sitiawan. firstly, the public transport network in Perak should be improved. but nvm. i had fun.

after coming back on sat, i went out to meet Darsh, my childhood fren, at might. we had good time together at a mamak stall. talked for quite sometime. she had to leave to kl early in the morning the next day. but she spent time with me till 11pm on sat night. i really appreciate it. in fact we would have spent more time together only if my dad in not in the town. haha. well, my dad doesn allow me to go out till late. not her dad though. haha. weird.

i'm now having the best time in my life this year. hope the year will end just like this........

home sweet home......

haha, at last i'm back home. having a great time. just came back from my grandpa's prayers. a lot of laughters n joy back at my grandparent's home. too fun. everyone came back and gathered and we were having fun to the max. wonder when is our next chillout time........

well, one thing happened the day before i came back. i was supposed to come back on the 4th. and it was my fren's birthday. boon and dan persuaded me to stay back to celebrate pinggee's b'day. i had my own reasons to go back early. however, since its once in a year event for pinggee, i stayed back. we were supposed to go for dinner together and celebrate her b'day. however, at about 6 something, we realized that her b'day already celebrated. we were not invited at all. not even a message or a buzz. we were pissed to the max.

i told them, i have had enough. no more compromising. i have had enough. actually more than enough. that was not only the event which proved we were insignificant but that seemed to be the last i could take. last. i've given up on all my frens. thats it. thats it! it's not pinggee's fault coz it was her birthday. so she remains the only one i'll even joke with. not evne a single soul. if one of my 'frens' read this, well this is how i feel now. i have given up on all of u. i'm now in a new track of my life. i'm going on with my life. without most of the pep i called frens.

dan will forgive them. boon will too. because they are so kind. i dun wanna be kind to these pep anymore. those who know me will realize that how patient i used to be and for me to lose my temper, something truly bad should have happen. trust me. it was really bad. as i said, dan n boon will forgive them. infact they already did, i think. i will not. i've given up. how am i suppose to forgive to the same mistakes done by same people??? forgiveness is only given to pep who have done mistakes unintendedly and promised not to repeat the mistakes. rite? so how am i suppose to forgive them. i've tried my very best and i've given up now. totally given up.

i'll start my third year with some new things and changes.........