confidence crushed......

yesterday, i sat for a paper. a paper i worked so hard and put so much of effort. it's not easy to memorize, u know! but, after the paper, my confidence was crushed. i have another paper. a realistic scoring paper. but i have no confidence i can do well in it. coz it's just don't go that way. work hard but no results. pep say u need to sacrifice something to obtain something. i've sacrificed a lot and all i get is frustration, anger and disappointment. ganja!!

anyways, feeling better now. need the encouragement to study. need that one last push to finish up the paper. and i hope i can finish my exams strongly. till now, i haven got the push yet. still searching. another 4 more days and i have to do it. have gone thru a lot before this. just can't handle it anymore.

whatever, i need to stay focus. boro won in the quarters n semis, needing 4 goals. they din gave up and scored the goals. and now they r in the final. when all the odds were against them, they din give up. they faught till the last minute. and scored the winner at the last minute. cool. respect them. maybe this is the push i was waiting for a long long time. go boro, go!!!

well, well, well......

today, i finished my 3rd paper. two more to go. after coming out from my exam hall, i realized that the scariest thing to do in life is choosing an answer out of 4 or 5 options. man, terrible. most of the time, i was wondering if i were sitting in the correct exam hall for the correct paper. lsm2102 - molecular genetics killed me off. till i have no more tears. ganja lah.

well, for the past week, one thing has been bothering me a lot. dunno who to talk to. i have a fren, lets call the friend, X. last year, X was in kind of a troubled position. i was there and helped X. problem settled. this year, co-incidentally, i was in the same position as X was last year. but X did not come up to help. X din even bother to ask me whether everything is fine or not. maybe X din realize that X is doing so n so. but i felt disturbed. i din expect anything from X when i helped X, but the way X is now bothering me a lot. this is what we call a friend. nowadays, sometimes, i'm confused about friends. define friends; sorry, i can't answer this question at the moment. i have splendid frens who will definitely be there for me. but at the same time, i'm having frens who dun appreciate the relationship. friendship is a special relationship. we have to treasure it. maybe pep wont start to treasure till they lose it. sorry for those pep.

now, i have to prepare for my metab. i have to make sure, it will not be my second nightmare. have to work hard. two more papers to go and i have to give everything i got. thats y i'm here. all da best to all of us...... never give up!!!

ganja, dunno how many times i've republish this blog, this particular post is not there. this is now pissing me offffffff!!!!!!!!!! now, publish this post!

journey ended before it could have even started......

i sat for my last test yesterday...... first, on tuesday, i got my genetics results. on wednesday, we went thru our experimental test answers and yesterday, i sat for my metabolism n regulation test. the results are not inspiring especially genetics. it killed me off. i dunno how to bounce for that module. well, this is what i say to myself during these times; if u r not at the peak, it doesn't mean that u r at the trough; if you don't win doesn't mean that u r defeated. well, the sayings help me most of the times.

well, my TAR College fren, ex-classmate during A-levels time, sent her feedback on racism. the way she consoled me was awesome. no wonder she's one of my wives. haha. really. what she said is true. dun bother bout the ill behaved pep. just go on with my life. i think there are many people for me outside there. feeling so comfortable and relaxed now. No worries. i wont let that to affect me anymore. i'm over it already. thanks, pal! u r certainly one of the best of the best!

today is my new year.... (tamil new year) i'll be going to the temple later with another fren. nothing much in this new year. every year, i'll be looking for the new year. but the years have gone bad to worse for me. and last year was the worst. i dun wanna go thru anymore worse that that. i dun think i can survive. please and please, i hope this year, things will change for me. anyways, it's new year and i'm in new year spirit now. Happy new year to all the Tamil makkals (pep in tamil) and happy good friday to all the Christians. enjoy.....

friendship.....not everyone knows what it means!

our lives are not complete without friends. in every sweet memory of ours, friends somehow will be there. without friends, our lives would be in the dark; without fun, care and love. however, some really don't know how to treasure the friendship he/she has.

after going thru a lot of things, i realize that friends are not easy to get. i used to be the luckiest person in getting frens (i still think i am) but somehow, some of them just dun worth my friendship. i dun understand why pep taking friendship for granted. for an instance, i am their good buddy only when i'm needed and when i'm not, no one cares whether i'm alive or not. is this what we call friendship???

there are a lot of examples.... for an instance, when 2 of the frens are together, both of them are like siamese twins; cannot be separated. but when they are apart, they'll be talking bad about each other like no one's business. another example is, the fren needs another fren to help him/her but when the other fren needs help, he/she will be asking, "y r u coming to me everytime?" well, i'm not telling that u need to have friendship with expectations. but when u need help, frens are the first one to be there. if he/she is not there when u need someone, then they are not ur frens at all. throw them away and carry on with ur life!

i came across this saying: it's not what u think; its what u know. this reminded me of a fren who has this attitude: its not what u know; its what u think u know. haha. he/she (to play safe) is a joke. he/she doesn't realize that this world is not that easy as what he/she is expecting to live in.

these pep dun treasure friendships. i think pep start to appreciate only when they lose it. its not easy to get someone to be always there for us no matter what we r facing..... but if we do have, we must treasure coz at the end of the day, we'll realize that there's not many of them who'd be there for us..........

What a day: Sunday!!!

today, i woke up only for lunch. din do much after that. was doing my research on nitrogen oxide synthase and cyclooxygenase. my lab report actually. found some interesting stuffs in it. dunno whether i'm able to explain or not. haha. well, the day started only after dinner. had dinner with ron n dan. critisized some pep over their attitudes. man, as i mentioned before, the true colour of pep lie deep into them and not on their skin shit colour.

well, aman, boon n i went to watch man u vs ars game. quite bad for dan, he couldnt join us coz was busy with his project. 3 of us went to modestos at orchard. the girls there were hot but not pretty. who cares... haha. we were sitting just infront of the screen. a good view. the game was awesome. as alwiz, man u won 2-0. rooney was superb in the game.

then, came back with merc cab. we visited dan in the seminar room. he was still doing his project with weixin. had some jokes with him and suddenly out of nowhere, boon asked me to study with him. good thing but at this time???? then he said he was hungry. dan seconded. ganja. have to order mcd. and still waiting for the delivery. what takes them so long. ganja.

sleepy but kind of hyped up to study. will start my revision on dr. helmet's notes.........

skin colour; what the hell!!!

frustrated, angry, confused, sad, disappointed... what has happened to this world. discrimination over the border, discrimination among the races, among the neighbours and worse still, among friends. what is so special about skin colour. fair doesn't mean lovely, dark doesn't mean dirty. can u find talents in skin colour???? ronaldinho is black, jay-z is black. but they are on top of the carriers. skin colour determines the beauty? see the latinos. the are the most beautiful girls ever i've seen. and they are not white. everyone agrees. Then, y do pep look at skin colour. what is so special being fairer than others. no matter what colour ur skin is, if u cut it, u can only see one colour; red!

so, does skin colour determines the future. come on..... look at the football team for an instance. England team, with rio ferdinand, wright-phillips, ashley cole with lampard, gerrard n beckham. they gel well in the team. the best team in the world, Brazil, except kaka, everyone is dark. look at the south african athletes. not everyone can even touch them in long distance run. so skin colour determines the brightness of one's future? i wonder.....


thinking of it, i'm feeling very bad. y dun pep look into oneself. it doesn't mean that dark pep are criminals and whites are not. man, something has gone wrong with the world. the true colour of someone doesn't lie on the skin colour.

for those pep who think black is to be condemned (i mean the skin colour), u might not know how dark is ur heart. perhaps darker than the charcoal.

happy day turn out to be not so happy day!!!

i was very happy for kai ling. very excited only when kai ling said it was not what we expected. suddenly, i dunno y, i felt so sad for her. i do understand her feelings. anyways, all da best for her. really sad for her. at least u have trust worthy and charming frens especially like me. haha.

dan blogged bout big boopies. he told me what inspired him to write the blog. well, i was pissed and posted some comments too. if a girl wants to boast around with her boopies, thats totally fine. but she doesn have any rights to look down on others. furthermore, she calls them her fren. what kind of fren is she. man, thank god i din have any boopies. or i would have..... god knows what.

the whole night, we were hyped up bout commenting on the blog. kind of fun. haha. and kai ling commented also. i was laughing like hell after reading her comment. good one, girl.

today, i felt tired and demoralized the whole day. very tired but not sleepy. even when i'm sleepy, i couldnt sleep. i'm blogging at this time. 2.30am here. something terribly wrong with me. i have a test on saturday and feel like i'm not prepared yet. i have to push myself but i'm just too slacky. maybe i'm giving up. after giving up once, i'm prone to give up more. well, this is not an excuse. i must never give up. at least on myself. lets go dinesh.......

kind of happy day....

well, i slept at about 6am. have to wake up at 10 for my 11am tutorial. i just finished 4 question of my 6ques probability tutorial. i've given my best which is not on par. its ok. i will bounce back later in my finals. last night i was talking with kai ling. haha. two days before, she told me something which actually made me sad. i was very sad for her. u know, she is such a nice girl. anyway, last night when we were chatting, she told me something which made me happy. haha. very happy for her. hope everything will go fine. haha. really happy for her.

we took lunch together today. we shared quite a lot of things. i'm getting to know her better. and guess what, she could be my best girl buddy around. haha. she is cool, funny, nice, etc. enough praising her. haha. really had a good time with her. welcome to pgp, kai ling. i bet we'll have much more fun. haha.

i had a presentation today. everything went well. everything has finished except 3 things. 2 tests and a lab report. together they carry 70%. quite heavy. have to prepare for them. i can't afford to screw up anymore or i'll be in deep trouble. have to give everything i got. but looks like i'm gonna screw them up since i've been very slacky. sigh.....

slept before dan woke me up for another cs. had a good time till my connection gave me prob.... boon n dan were teasing something rediculous as well. nvm..... used to it dy! haha..

probabilty is probabilistic........

i spent 48 hours to finish up my tutorial questions of probability; finishing up?? lemme do one question first.... i've been trying so hard and till now i have no idea what's going on really. tomoro i have to submit, dun have any idea how. i have to admit, i suck in this module..... just because of one thing, not ready for this module yet. i need a day to sit down and go thru all the examples and notes on this module and i hope i can be back on track.

tomoro i have another presentation. a 10% one. haha. hope i can do well. i'm prepared and i really hope i wont screw it up at the last minute. hope so.

today, i went for dinner with Dr. patrick. he's very concern bout Red Cross. very hard to find someone who's too into voluntary society. my respect to him is way above the sky. anyways, we were talking for 2 hours. his ideas were good but we need to work hard on them. i'll throw everything to make his ideas come true but i dunno whether i can make it or not. i've disappointed him once. and i can't do it again. well, lets hope this. if we work hard, our path to success will be there. hope so. and i've to cover a lot today. therefore, i planned to stay till late. god knows till what time.......

before i forget, today's tyng's birthday. happy 22nd birthday. she is one of the most important persons in my life. gave me encourgement when i really needed and she was there when i was really down... thanks a lot. today is ur day... have fun. may all ur dreams come true.....

not so so long day....

haha, i woke up when the sun was directly on the head. man, i slept for so long. i think i've paid all the sleep i lacked for the past weeks. cool. sleeping is refreshing. but sleeping more is tiring. so we must sleep just nice. haha. i'm talking as if i know... haha. anyways, lunch was with the same guys. and we were discussing bout dan's accomodation. his a** din get PGP for next academic year. and i'll work my a** off to at least put him in the main waiting list. as what he said, first year, i used to take dinner with 10 of others; second year, it reduced to 2 or 3: aman, dan and boon. well, if dan is gone for the next academic year, i think i better cook myself coz no one will be taking dinner with me. so sad..... maybe kai ling will take with me. will u? haha.

friends.... define friends..... u dun need to talk friends, no necessary to go out with them, dun need even to joke with them; all that i know, a fren is one to care....... maybe some might not agree but this is how i live. haha. there might be conflict between frens but laughing at someone in tears is not a human would do. i'm a human. a good one. haha. opinions may differ but friendship is one. they r the one who'll be there when u need someone.......

we played football with the juniors. well, it was totally fun. playing football is alwiz fun... haha. then we played 2 games of best of 5 basketball. man, totally worn out. during dinner with ron and dan, i took red bull and that keeps me awake till now. we played cs and when the time i was having fun, ron has to go. nvm. some other day. after all, everyone will be here.

man u won and chelsea drew.... race to the title is fairly open.... hope chelsea will keep on slipping..... maurinho, time to feeeeeeeeeeel the pressure...... alwiz see the ground!